Animal Dialogues No. 2: Pigs on Bacon
By E.A. Weiss on April 17, 2012
Hammy: Let me get this straight … we’re bacon?
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: And they think we’re delicious?
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: But we don’t think we’re delicious?
Pudge: Nope.
Hammy: And we don’t get to eat them?
Pudge: Nope.
Hammy: Are we actually delicious?
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: How do you know?
Pudge: (silence)
Porky: Are you going to answer my question?
Pudge: Nope.
Hammy: Well, is it true that they have bacon chocolate?
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: Do they try to combine everything that tastes good?
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: Does it work?
Pudge: Sorta.
Hammy: So, we just have to eat this sludge?
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: (silence)
Pudge: (silence)
Hammy: Don’t you ever wish for something greater?
Pudge: (silence)
Hammy: To risk it all and move to New York City? Or to settle down and start a family? I feel like I could be a great artist, but I want to have enough money to see the world. I could be a great businesspig too, but I don’t want to wake up one day and wonder why I didn’t give my dreams a chance. I just want to make a hoofprint on this earth, so that one day little piglets will walk by and say, “That is one mighty hoofprint. He must have meant a lot to the world he lived in and the people he loved.”
Pudge: (silence)
Hammy: Don’t you feel trapped, Pudge?
Pudge: Nope.
Hammy: (silence)
Pudge: (silence)
Hammy: Are you cold?
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: Let’s get under the blanket.
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: That’s better.
Pudge: Yep.
Hammy: I love talking about life with you, Pudge. How could anyone want to eat us?
Pudge: (silence)
Hammy: We’re just two pigs in a blanket.
PREVIOUSLY: Giraffes on Relationships.
E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.
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