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Animal Dialogues No. 2: Pigs on Bacon

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E.A. Weiss

By E.A. Weiss on April 17, 2012


Hammy: Let me get this straight … we’re bacon?

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: And they think we’re delicious?

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: But we don’t think we’re delicious?

Pudge: Nope.

Hammy: And we don’t get to eat them?

Pudge: Nope.

Hammy: Are we actually delicious?

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: How do you know?

Pudge: (silence)

Porky: Are you going to answer my question?

Pudge: Nope.

Hammy: Well, is it true that they have bacon chocolate?

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: Do they try to combine everything that tastes good?

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: Does it work?

Pudge: Sorta.

Hammy: So, we just have to eat this sludge?

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: (silence)

Pudge: (silence)

Hammy: Don’t you ever wish for something greater?

Pudge: (silence)

Hammy: To risk it all and move to New York City? Or to settle down and start a family? I feel like I could be a great artist, but I want to have enough money to see the world. I could be a great businesspig too, but I don’t want to wake up one day and wonder why I didn’t give my dreams a chance. I just want to make a hoofprint on this earth, so that one day little piglets will walk by and say, “That is one mighty hoofprint. He must have meant a lot to the world he lived in and the people he loved.”

Pudge: (silence)

Hammy: Don’t you feel trapped, Pudge?

Pudge: Nope.

Hammy: (silence)

Pudge: (silence)

Hammy: Are you cold?

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: Let’s get under the blanket.

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: That’s better.

Pudge: Yep.

Hammy: I love talking about life with you, Pudge. How could anyone want to eat us?

Pudge: (silence)

Hammy: We’re just two pigs in a blanket.
 

PREVIOUSLY: Giraffes on Relationships.

E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.
 


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