Gerald: And Shannon was like, “You’re too skinny.”
Gerald: And I told her, “I’m a giraffe!”
Tom: How’d she respond?
Gerald: She said she wants someone bulkier.
Tom: But you’re the tallest giraffe!
Gerald: I know! I told her that I can reach the leaves that no one else can reach.
Gerald: She said that wasn’t the point.
Tom: Then what is the point?
Gerald: I don’t know!
Tom: Any female would be lucky to have you.
Gerald: I’m fertile, I’m tall …
Tom: Doesn’t she want to spread her genes?
Gerald: You’d think so!
Tom: So what is she doing now?
Gerald: Probably necking with a tree she thinks is a giraffe.
Tom: Gerald …
Gerald: It’s one of the things I love about her.
Tom: There are more necks out there, Gerald.
Gerald: Why can’t we be like foxes?
Tom: Don’t talk like that.
Gerald: They mate for life.
Tom: Would you really want to mate with a giraffe who thought that boulder was an elephant?
Gerald: She does see a lot of mirages.
Tom: Come on, let’s go do something to cheer you up.
Gerald: Like what?
Tom: Let’s pretend our super-weird necks are lightsabers again. I’ll be Darth Vader.
E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.
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