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Animal Dialogues: Giraffes on Relationships

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E.A. Weiss

By E.A. Weiss on April 16, 2012

Photo: MrMuskrat

Gerald: And Shannon was like, “You’re too skinny.”

Tom: Really?

Gerald: And I told her, “I’m a giraffe!”

Tom: How’d she respond?

Gerald: She said she wants someone bulkier.

Tom: But you’re the tallest giraffe!

Gerald: I know! I told her that I can reach the leaves that no one else can reach.

Tom: And?

Gerald: She said that wasn’t the point.

Tom: Then what is the point?

Gerald: I don’t know!

Tom: Any female would be lucky to have you.

Gerald: I’m fertile, I’m tall …

Tom: Doesn’t she want to spread her genes?

Gerald: You’d think so!

Tom: So what is she doing now?

Gerald: Probably necking with a tree she thinks is a giraffe.

Tom: Gerald …

Gerald: It’s one of the things I love about her.

Tom: There are more necks out there, Gerald.

Gerald: Why can’t we be like foxes?

Tom: Don’t talk like that.

Gerald: They mate for life.

Tom: Would you really want to mate with a giraffe who thought that boulder was an elephant?

Gerald: She does see a lot of mirages.

Tom: Come on, let’s go do something to cheer you up.

Gerald: Like what?

Tom: Let’s pretend our super-weird necks are lightsabers again. I’ll be Darth Vader.

E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.


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