Finally, the moment I’ve been waiting for since I’m 15. And no, I’m not talking about getting down with a Valentine’s Day sweetheart. Actually, it’s somewhat more
pathetic awesome than that. I was obviously way too caught up in passionate lovemaking Watson-hating last night to notice (and only ONE of you little monkeys managed to get the news to me!), but the Great One has returned.
No, not Wayne Gretzky. I’m talking about a real sport here, people, so know your role, shut your mouth, and take that hockey business elsewhere. I’m talking about the Brahma Bull, the People’s Champion, The MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT, none other than The Rock. And if that’s a problem for you you can take that mouse that’s sitting there under your right hand, shine it up real nice, then turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass!
Genius move here by Vincent K. and the WWE, who obviously watched the Grammys and can see the writing on the wall. Bob Dylan performing + Justin Bieber going home empty handed = the times, they are a-reverting. And, of course, it’s for the best.
So before I got a car, I was straight-up obsessed with The Rock. When I wasn’t busy dropping the People’s Elbow on fools during baseball practice, I was staking-out the Big Cheese in my “Smell What The Rock is Cookin’?” t-shirt waiting for the guy to show up to scarf some garlic rolls. Now, I haven’t watched a WWE show in about 10 years, but even I know that John Cena is a little punk bitch. There are few things more sickening than disgracing the WWE Heavyweight Championship belt with a spinner. I mean, you kids have no class. That’s why I’m pumped to see my boy Rocky lay the smack down at Wrestlemania. And I don’t have to have watched a show in 10 years to know that there’s no one out there that can cut a promo like the Rock. Duh, he’s from the U. Guy’s got the swag of 10 men in one freakin’ eyebrow. Guaran-damn-teed.
So, without further adieu, here’s the video of The Rock’s surprise appearance. Pretty awesome knowing that the people in the crowd have no idea what who it is. Like, “oh probably gonna be Vince or maybe Mick Foley who we’ve frankly had about enough of.” BAM, most electrifying man in all entertainment! Also, I’m pretty sure I saw a guy with a sign that said “BRING BACK THE ROCK!” That’s a dude that’s either got A. a sharpie and quick reflexes or B. some stains on his pants.
Thanks to El Jefe for leaving a 4:00 Rock impression on my voicemail while I made Valentine’s dinner for my lady.