20 Ways to Avoid an Awkward Boner
By Greg Seals on October 24, 2012
Boners can be a beautiful and loving expression of your feelings for another person. But in the wrong time or place, they’re just plain awkward. Here are 20 helpful ways to wipe out that wood.
Let’s go over some boner basics: Avoid pleated-front pants — especially light-colored khakis — at all costs.
Pleated pants are the leading cause of “phantom boners,” as the zipper can pucker and puff in a way that makes you look like you’re chubbing in your chinos.
Most instances of this phenomenon can be seen in teachers, or generally anyone over 40.
Even ladies aren’t immune from it.
Why does clothing never look as good as it does on the mannequin?
But some pants are so good you can’t help but get excited about them!
By the same token, avoid clothing that’s too restricting — you’ll have nowhere to sheath your sword.
Especially if you know you’ll be in a sexy situation, like this Teen Ti(gh)tan was.
SEE MORE:
• The 40 Tightest Pants in Rock History
• Jon Hamm’s Dick Whitman Is Larger Than Life, Quite Visible in Pants
Now you’re just bragging, Jon. You don’t even have a halfie.
Seriously, bragging could land you in detention.
When it comes to photography, perspective on your package is everything.
Don’t be a victim of unfortunate phallic framing.
Avoid overtly stimulating situations that could ignite your pocket rocket.
Up-tucking is probably the most common technique when trying to mask your member.
If up-tucking isn’t an option, try inconspicuously camouflaging the angle of your dangle.
SEE MORE:
• 5 Gay Porn Actors Who Look Like the Lads in One Direction
• Man With 2 Penises, Woman With 2 Vaginas Were the Sexiest Couple of the 19th Century
If your outfit doesn’t allow for up-tucking and you can’t hide your hog, then use mental fortitude to squash your stiffy and avoid some embarrassment.
Visualize a turn-off.
Think about sports.
Or something disgusting, like Justin Bieber barfing onstage.
Any more questions? Ask Me Anything.
