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Animal Dialogues No. 5: Jellyfish on Hats

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E.A. Weiss

By E.A. Weiss on April 23, 2012


Simon: I think I could be the kind of jellyfish that wears a hat.

Mary: Well …

Simon: I think it would make me look slim.

Mary: I’m not so sure.

Simon: I’d look like one of those Upright Fleshbones.

Mary: You mean humans?

Simon: With my tentacles flowing like clean summer hair.

Mary: Did you go to school?

Simon: I mean, we already sort of look like hats.

Mary: No, we don’t.

Simon: I’m just going to own it.

Mary: As part of your midlife crisis?

Simon: No …

Mary: You are 3 months old.

Simon: I could make one out of a turtle shell!

Mary: Does this have to do with the reunion?

Simon: Or maybe a conch!

Mary: You could get a cane and bow tie, too.

Simon: Oh!

Mary: I was being sarcast—

Simon: I could sing and dance.

Mary: You don’t sing or dance.

Simon: There was a time when Einstein didn’t know math.

Mary: You’ve heard of Einstein—

Simon: A time when Mozart didn’t know music.

Mary: And you couldn’t remember the name for humans?

Simon: And there was a time when I neither sang nor danced.

Mary: That time is still happening.

Simon: That time is over.

Mary: What are you doing?

Simon: I’m dancing!

Mary: You’re just swimming.

Simon: I’m freee!

Mary: You’re getting too close.

Simon: Dance with me, Mary!

Mary: No.

Simon: I’m dancing and I’m free!

Mary: Stop it.

Simon: This is amazing!

Mary: Now we’re tangled.

Simon: It’s like we’re holding hands!

Mary: Yeah, except you’re getting us more tangled.

Simon: All I need is that hat!

Animal Dialogues No. 1: Giraffes on Relationships

Animal Dialogues No. 2: Pigs on Bacon

Animal Dialogues No. 3: Penguins on Running

Animal Dialogues No. 4: Tuna Making Awful Puns


E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.


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