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Animal Dialogues No. 3: Penguins on Running

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E.A. Weiss

By E.A. Weiss on April 18, 2012


Sarah: What’s the matter?

Sheldon: I can’t do it, Mom.

Sarah: Oh, that’s all right.

Sheldon: But Dad really wants me to.

Sarah: He loves you no matter what, Shel.

Tom: How’s the running going, kiddo?

Sarah: Tom—

Sheldon: Dad …

Tom: Do we have ourselves a winner?

Sarah: Tom—

Tom: Or a loser?

Sarah: Tom, Sheldon is having a rough time with it.

Tom: What do you mean?

Sheldon: We don’t have legs!

Sarah: Calm down, Shel.

Sheldon: Just feet at the bottom of our inflated bodies!

Tom: Well, I don’t want my son sliding on his stomach like everyone else!

Sarah: Tom, don’t go there.

Tom: I wish my father pushed me harder.

Sarah: Tom—

Tom: You’re lucky to have a father who cares so much, Sheldon.

Sheldon: But we’re meant to slide on our stomachs, Dad.

Tom: No.

Sheldon: And we’re meant to waddle.

Tom: No.

Sheldon: And if we waddle too fast, we just fall onto our stomachs.

Tom: No!

Sarah: Tom—

Sheldon: Have you ever tried running, Dad?

Tom: I have.

Sarah: Tom, you don’t have to—

Tom: I was the fastest waddler.

Sarah: Tom—

Tom: And I thought I could be the first penguin to run.

Sarah: He was the best.

Tom: Everyone thought I could do it.

Sarah: It was the last day of winter.

Tom: Everyone was there …

Sarah: It’s okay, Tom.

Tom: I started off great and then … and then …

Sarah: He fell onto his stomach.

Tom: I fell onto my stomach and started sliding! Like an idiot.

Sheldon: Dad, I—

Tom: I just want the best for you, Sheldon.

Sheldon: I had no idea.

Tom: For a long time, I didn’t have the confidence to mate with your mother.

Sarah: OK, that’s enough.

Animal Dialogues No. 1: Giraffes on Relationships

Animal Dialogues No. 2: Pigs on Bacon


E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.


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